I have no problem with anyone gambling. What I have a problem with is when it affects the people around you. My mom, for instance, wasted a whole check at the casino. I was so mad at her. I even texted her trying to stop her.
It makes me so mad because that’s my mom and when she gets home, she beats herself up for doing it and im just like STFU AND STOP FUCKING UP. But as her daughter, I don’t say anything. My mom is way stronger than this, so I don’t understand why the hell she would do this. Hasn’t she learned from the way her mom would gamble? I don’t know how to make her understand without making her cry or feel guilty.
Once Michelle and Aaliyah got off the phone, Michelle got dressed up to go see her grandmother, Grace. Grace was always supportive in making sure Michelle followed her dream. She hadn’t her father for drinking and not caring for his daughter like he was suppose to, but Grace knew that Michelle was a strong girl just like her. Never afraid to stand for themselves and never step down from a challenge. Grace’s eyes became brighter and delightful when she saw Michelle. She lived in a nursing home where the nurses treated her like shit and the food was never good well. Michelle would always bring a home-cooked meal when she saw her grandmother. They had fell so closer with each other that when Michelle and her ex-boyfriend broke up, she didn’t go to her mom but she went to her grandmother. Her mom would always say, “It’s okay, honey…. You’ll be fine.” But she wasn’t fine. She spent months crying over him and wishing he came back. This same situation happen when Joshua left for military school. At the time, he was with Chrissy but Michelle and Joshua were friends, but not as close.
Michelle day always brightens up when she sees her grandmother. She never is in a bad mood, she is always nice to everyone, and she can turn that frown upside down. As Grace ate the lovely meal that her granddaughter made her, Michelle was going to tell her grandmother she got accepted into college.
She told her… No response? Grace stopped while still chewing and look at Michelle like she was crazy. Then the biggest grin came upon Grace’s face. Grace was happy but sad that her grown granddaughter was finally going to college. The college wasn’t too far away from the nursing home, so Michelle could go see her whenever she wanted. Her father will probably die without her, but Michelle didn’t really care. She had Josh back and her grandmother and thats all she really needed.
As Michelle and Grace begin to talk about old times…an old memory came back in Michelle’s mind. When her mother and father got along, when the whole family, including in grandmother would go to the beach and spend the whole day there until sunset rose. It was a family tradition they did whenever it was really hot in the summer time. Michelle missed those good times and she wish it never ended, but as begins to grow up she starts to realize that it is never too late to make new memories. She, one day would be able to take her kids to the beach and watch them grow into wonderful children. She wasn’t going to end up like her dad and mom did. Only reason they stayed married was because Michelle begged them to stay together or she was going to run away and live with her grandmother. After her mom got cancer, everything changed..everyone changed.
A month since I’ve written or posted on my blog… I know. I know. How am I going to have a successful blog if I don’t write on it every day or at least once a week. Well, life happens. Let’s put it like that.
It’s 2:30am and just a day, I’ve went to being fine to horribly not okay. I mean I can get through the day and be fine, but it still runs in my mind. So you will probably see me writing a lot of emotional stories about me and whats going on. Not really ready to talk about it right now, how I feel is like picking the right time to pluck an orange from its tree. You don’t want to do it too soon or late, you want to be the perfect time to let it go.
I’m sorry for not writing you guys. Just a lot been going on, but I am really going to try write more. It will probably be late, like this, but I will definitely do it. Leave me comments for motivation and confidence. I could really use it right now. 🙂
Joshua runs his hand down her hip to the thigh and then back up again. Michelle softly brushes her lips against his, making her feel weak as he kissed her harder with every stroke. Her body begins to scream for him, covering her body in hot, steamy sweat. Joshua starts kissing her from head to toe. He caresses her breasts as he begins to kiss and massage her neck with his tongue. He feels his body getting hotter and wanting to be deep inside her and while she moans his name. Michelle wanting the same. The door to Michelle’s room slams open and her father stands their with nothing on, just his boxers. One hand holding on the door to keep his balance, while the other hand was holding up a gun pointing straight at Joshua. “Nooo!”, yells Michelle. Her father slowly pushes his finger down on the trigger.
Michelle wakes up, buried in sweat and felt devastated by her dream. Why did her dreams always come out bad? Or were they just nightmares? She already lost her mother she didn’t want to lose anyone else. She hears her the father in the other room, screaming and singing to some random song. She was still in shock from the dream about Joshua, she began to tremble. She felt like her whole life was always worrying about what her father was doing. And no matter what how many times you should leave, she knew deep down that she loved him and her mother would tell her to stay by her father’s side at all times. She’d tell her that he isn’t perfect and nor is she. She always had a way of making her get her head right. I guess that’s why losing her fucked up Michelle so badly.
Michelle decides to text Joshua and see if he was busy later on in the day. She says a simple greeting and makes her way to the shower. Her father stops her in the hallway with a beer in one hand and the other on the wall trying to keep his balance. “You know your mother was a….” He starts off, “Bitch!, she never did…what……. I wanted her to do.” Michelle just stares at him for a second. She was never scared of him at all. Her father made his way to his room and she goes to the shower. What was with her father and his drinking? She had one more year of high school and she would finally be out of here. She hadn’t heard back from Joshua, so she decided she was going to chill.
She grabs her new laptop that she got for Christmas. Her father was never drunk on the day of Christmas because he knew how much it meant to his wife and daughter. Even though, afterwards he was getting drunk more than ever. Deep down, he loved his daughter, no matter how much Michelle didn’t get along with him, he will always love her. He knew sometimes he would say stuff to Michelle that he never meant, but since he was drinking so much the alcohol took control of what is coming out of his mouth.
After looking through her facebook, she decided to go look at email. She was suppose to getting an email telling her whether or not she was accepted into Michigan State University. She also had a message from facebook from an ex-boyfriend, but he was irrevalant at the moment. She sees the message from the college and carefully reads it. She got accepted. She called Aaliyah and basically screamed her butt off when Aaliyah answered the phone. She finally will be able to get away from her crazy father and live on her own for the first time. She worked so hard after her mom got sick and her father got sick, she would do anything to get away from the fact that she might be losing both of her parents.
As the party starts to fade, she realizes it might be time for her to go home. “Joshua, I have to go. It was….”. Joshua interrupts Michelle. “Do you have to go? I mean just stay a little longer?” Michelle wanted to stay so bad but she knew sooner or later her father would be wondering where she was. “I’m sorry, Joshua, but I really have to go. I wish I could stay with you and keep talking about old times.” Joshua smiles, as he remembers all the silly things they did when they were younger, before he got his first boner.
Michelle and Joshua get deeper and deeper into the conversation, asking questions and getting to know each other again. Michelle finally tells Joshua she has to go and his face turns into the face that made her what to stay, but she couldn’t. She sees Aaliyah walking towards the door talking to Roberto. Michelle walks passed them and then she hears Joshua’s lovely voice. “Wait! I want to ask you something!” She stops and turns around, looks at him with the eyes he loved to look into. “Man, your eyes are so pretty. I look at your eyes and I just feel up with happiness.” Michelle blushes. “ I want to keep talking, so here is my number and maybe we can sit together during lunch.” Michelle thought Joshua moving a little fast for them “getting to know each other better”, but she wanted to spend as much time as she could with him.
Aaliyah is driving since Michelle drove them to the party. Aaliyah’s phone rings and she answers. Michelle looks out the window, dreaming about Joshua. She wish she could go back and keep talking to him. He made her feel so different and ALIVE. Aaliyah drives up to her house and she waves goodbye to Michelle and gives her a kiss on cheek. Michelle and Aaliyah always did that, so it was abnormal and not weird when they did it. Michelle makes her way to the driver’s side and makes her way home. She constantly thinks of everything that she did with Joshua. The way he laughed, smiled, grinned, and all the above. She drives into her driveway, no surprise, she sees that her father is not home. She walks into the house feeling as if something had changed in the house but she wasn’t sure what it was. She decides its best to take a shower and go to bed.
After a nice, hot shower she goes to bed. Her skin was soft and face was smooth, her body was smelling intoxicating. She closed her eyes ready to spend the next nine hours dreaming about Joshua.